I'll sing you to sleep.

About a year ago, I returned home to California. My visit was not a happy one - my grandmother was dying, and the family had convened from all over the country to come say goodbye. I had a hard time with all of this - in particular, seeing my dad's face the day she finally passed away, a mere two hours before my flight home to Arizona.

I did not visit her in the hospital - she was in pain, literally wasting away down to skin and bones, delirious - and I still don't feel good about that. I thought long and hard about the decision to abstain from seeing her, and I think it was the correct choice; the correct choice is usually the hardest one to make, or so I've been told. I choose to remember the good memories, of my grandma laughing, probably at something terribly inappropriate in a public place.

She was a difficult woman to deal with, oh, let's say 90% of the time. My mother and I knew this better than most - we both spent plenty of time with her in her final years, giving her rides to bingo and doing yardwork, making sure she took her insulin, etc. She was something of a mean woman, with an obstinate attitude and some lingering racism, who lived by the idea that nobody would ever tell her what to do, even if failing to follow the advice would ultimately kill her. I have to say, despite how completely stupid and incorrect that mindset was, I respected it then and I still do. I wish she would have fucking listened to the doctors, though.

Anyway, I put on this song the day she died and I cried drunk tears on an airplane. 

We all have people in our lives who will hurt us, that's a given. Sometimes we don't love these people, and sometimes we do. I loved my grandma very much, despite all the crazy bullshit she put us through for most of my life, and when she died, it felt like a skyscraper collapsed in my chest. This was real. This was another injury my grandma dealt me, and her sons, and her grandchildren. We all knew the craziness intimately, but we all also knew that we would miss her forever. 

That was about a year ago - I have forgotten the precise date. I don't memorialize death dates. I do, however, stand by matters of the heart, and my heart still misses my grandma Bev.

Fuck, I'm fucking crying again.

The people you love, make sure they know it. 

-MJ

too much light will blight the plants.

indeed, it has been a shitty morning. my phone is missing in action, nine days before I embark on a two-week tour of the west coast with Hidinginsidevictims. I'm weighing the pros and cons of getting a new one, and the cons are winning. It seems like it would be cheaper to raise carrier pigeons and send smoke signals than to sign up for a phone these days.

Anyway, here's fourteen minutes of cut-up noise grind - after two energy drinks and a hellish morning in the cold looking for fragmented bits of my obsolete cell phone, I am starting to hear the harsh clangs and buzzing riffs in my skull - bouncing around like moths smacking into a window, forever toward the light, forever belly-up.

I would apologize for the mopey, woe-is-me tone of this post, but I'm not going to. I write better when I'm mad and caffeinated, which, as Dean Wormer once said, "is no way to go through life, son." 

fat, drunk, and stupidly yours,

MJ

decode the chrominance.

we'll always have Paris.

grapple 'em, jack.

The little guitar in my hands is a ukulele. It's also my best friend. I love the fucking thing almost as much as I love playing grind, or writing, or eating fried foods. 

Anyway, this is my first video. The song is a cover of "Long Shadow" by Joe Strummer, a song I love nearly as much as the ukulele. Hope you like it!

grandpas guitars for lifes.

oh my god damn.

RECORD REVIEW: Hidinginsidevictims/Suicide State split 7"

Ok, full disclosure: not only are the guys from Hidinginsidevictims old friends of mine, but I was once among their ranks, and will be touring with them across the western U.S. this May. As such, it seemed fitting to kick off my series of record reviews with the HIV/SS split.

This thing is a feral, spitting, crusty goddamned beast.

Hidinginsidevictims (CA) barge right out of the gate with "Above the Microscope," a track that rolls along like tank treads over junkie corpses. Once the song really gets moving into the chorus, we are treated to their signature (?) melodic crust riffs. Tragedy, Wartorn, and From Ashes Rise are not bad reference points here. Jacketed, dreadlocked folk, this is your kind of shit. We then cruise straight into "Graveyard of Empires," which heps and rumbles along before hammering into a push-pull between the vocals and instrumentation, setting up nicely for a nailbomb of a semi-breakdown. Joaquin (drums/vocals) is a monster behind the kit throughout the entire track, and Chris (guitars/vocals) starts to lay down a wiry, battle-scarred solo midway through and keeps it going right up to the end. These cats have a progressive streak running through their tunes, a strange chromatic layered sort of melody, that serves the music well. I'll be hearing those bent notes in my sleep. Get up on it!

On the flip side, we have Suicide State from Holland. These gentlemen are a little more bare-bones in their approach, favoring less layers and more traditional punk/hardcore riffage. The vocals are dry, harsh, not unlike smoking cigars in the desert sun. "No Reason" starts off with a somber populist sound clip before exploding into pure punk rage. D-beats and slams abound on "Reality/Misled." That second song really got me drinking this here beer, and trust me, you want to be moshing when this bad boy starts, The production on SS's half is a little more rough around the edges than H.I.V.'s, but it lends a great "drinking in the garage" sort of vibe to the entire proceedings. All in all, a mighty contribution. I wish I could have seen these guys when the two bands toured together last year.

So there you have it, my first-ever record review of my adult life. I hope it was informative and unbiased, considering the circumstances. Both of these groups are fantastic and deserve a wider audience, so maybe you should stop reading and pick up a copy of this savage little seven inch at one of the shows or at their bandcamp page.

BANDCAMP REVIEW: Foreskin - selected tracks from "THVG"

The internet is a funny thing. If I ever asked my seventeen-year-old self if I thought I'd be regularly corresponding with a bunch of hella cool Pakistani guys on the subject of grind, I would have probably chuckled. "Ain't no tunes in Pakistan," I might have said. And boy, would I have been a wrong motherfucker.

Foreskin are a gang of seriously furious guys from Lahore, Pakistan. I have been in touch with their vocalist Hassan for probably two years or more, and he has been kind enough to share with me absolutely every new musical thing he has ever done (I have plans to review his other band, Multinational Corporations), and let me tell you, Foreskin kills. From the anime-inspired back-alley violence of the cover art to the vile grindthrash contained within, the whole package is fucking slamming.

The production on this thing is massive. Guitars flow from each speaker like magma, while the drums pulse with a beer-fueled rage that gives this thing a beating heart. "THVG Anthem" chugs and writhes along with a militant skateboard feel, and by the time the guitar solo hits, I am on the half-pipe of the mind. Grooves abound. The spoken-word portion of the song's second half hit me out of left field. Best protect your neck, motherfucker. Then, as announced, Sheraz lets that shit drop. 

"Antikvlt" vaults forward with some crust-inspired melodies, thrashed out until nearly-unrecognizable, until Sheraz motors into his neoclassical legato leads, and now we're fucking moving. Headbang, you fools! We are treated to more solos; Sheraz has got himself some Maiden-level chops. It isn't often I hear a guitar lead so composed, so thought-out. Dude knows his way around that fret board.

It's a shame that we only have two songs so far. I, for one, am pumped as fuck for Foreskin's inaugural EP, and cannot wait to pick up a copy. I have been thoroughly schooled by my Pakistan brothers - they have shown me that great tunes can exist wherever there is a need for them. It's supply and demand. The demand must be very high in Lahore if the supply is so pure and uncut. Head on over to Foreskin's bandcamp page and have several listens, then stay tuned for whatever Sammy Buay and his gang of miscreants have in store for us. 

dictated but not read.

this blog, as you can determine by scrolling down a bit, began as a forum to share songs I like. 

I have since moved on to sharing my scribbles with y'all, but in honor of my newly-repaired laptop's new lease on life, here is the day I've had today, in six songs or less.

Death in June: "Good Mourning Sun"

- A sad song, but then, what DIJ song isn't? I listened to The Rule of Thirds on my bike ride to work this morning. It's bright and warm in northern Arizona these days: spring is in the air, birds are fucking on the ground like common hobos, and above all, the sun is shining in the biggest sky in all of these united states (sorry Montana, but this is a place for real talk). This morning was clear as a bell and rather cool, unlike myself, who was poorly-shaven and slightly hung over. 

Modest Mouse: "The View"

- They say old punks never die, they either grow up or burn out. This is a mantra I've never been fully able to get behind, for reasons including but not limited to the continued existence and vitality of future President Henry Rollins. Perhaps there are exceptions to every rule, or maybe not. Maybe catchphrases and mantras ought to start phasing out in favor of the view; we are long overdue for a focus adjustment. Stop dumbing down and change the setting to "panorama." 

Bouncing Souls: "Hopeless Romantic"

- Ah, fond memories - something I spend the better part of each day dwelling on. Memories of a red Isuzu Trooper, a car full of pizzas I didn't get to eat, and more passengers than the car could accommodate. Call me a dreamer, but at least I'm not John Lennon. 

Dinosaur Jr.: "The Wagon"

- Not a lot to say about this one, just an oldie and a goodie. Somehow this song always seems to find itself playing when I am in a hurry to get somewhere. Today was no exception, but take solace in the fact that I got there nearly on time today.

Severed Head of State: "Shame of the Cross"

-Love, love, LOVE this song. My introduction to crust, straight up. Again, this didn't factor heavily into my thought process for the day, but nothing that embattled my little mind throughout the work day can compete with knowing I'm gonna get some Severed Head as soon as I get home.